Wanted: Motivation

Humor me.

(To the tune of "O Christmas Tree")

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I hate it with a passion.

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

A must for health and fashion.
I've tried to walk

I've tried the gym

I've done Pilates

on a whim.
Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I hate it with a passion.

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

My body's quickly failing

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I'm at the mirror wailing.

All of a sudden

things have dropped.
When I sit down

My thighs, they flop

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

My body's quickly failing.

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I'm not expecting greatness.

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I know I'll never weigh less.

I want to wear

fantastic jeans

Without my fat

squished by the seams

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I'm not expecting greatness.

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I doubt I'll ever love it

Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

those skinny girls can shove it
I need to find
something that works

Where I won't sweat

or ever hurt
Oh Exercise, Oh Exercise

I doubt I'll ever love it.

(Humming quietly in the background...)

I know I am not ever going to like to exercise, but I'm gonna have to do start doing something. Things are getting rather serious.

I was hoping you all could send me some ideas. I detest the gym. It is too cold to walk. Please...for the love of my thighs...send me some ideas.

If I'd Wanted a Sauna, I'd Have Gone to a Sauna

Can anyone tell me one good reason why A GYM would have their thermostat set at *82 degrees?

If I recover from my heat stroke, I will blog tomorrow.

*This would be an actual temperature of 82 degrees. I saw it with my own two eyes right before they rolled back in my head.

I'd Rather Have a Root Canal:UPDATED

Today should be lots of fun.

Thankfully, my day will begin with the Bible Study group I love. We will not only be discussing some great stuff...we are having lunch together afterwards. I am truly looking forward to a wonderful time.

Pretty much, it goes downhill from there.

I have recently joined a new gym. I'm not really excited about it. It is one of those things that I needed to do or I would lose anything I'd gained over the last eighteen months of working my tail off. (Unfortunately, I have not actually worked my tail off. Thus, the new gym.)

In order to begin working out at this new gym, I am forced...and I do mean forced...to have a "consultaion". Let me share what this "consultation" is all about.

..."Your consultation includes one BodPod assessment, one Visual Fitness Planner assessment and personal training."

Ok. The BodPod. Apparently, this contraption is a big egg-like thing that you sit in and it measures your body fat accurately. By all means, let's be accurate. The instructions for this device are:

"Do not workout for 2 hours prior"--certainly no argument there.

"Bring swim suit or tightest fitting clothes possible (spandex shorts, sports bra, underclothes, etc)"--WHATEVER. There is no Pod (or anywhere else) for which this Bod would exist in spandex and a sports bra. Not happening. No way, no how. Underclothes? Forget it.

I will have no problem wearing regular shorts and a t-shirt. What...is it going to add percentage to my fat? Gee, that is going to make the difference. I am quite certain--weighty fabric or not--I am not in the preferred range.

Now, the Visual Fitness Planner assessment. Funny, this has no description. I'm guessing someone with a really great set of abs is going to stare at my not-so-great set of, well, anything, and plan for me. The stare down. That shouldn't be intimidating, really. It should be fine. Completely comfortable.

The personal training? We'll see. I'm kind of at the "hit me with your best shot" phase. I dare them to try and make me lose a pound. They have no idea of the slow metabolism (and serious snack addiction) with which they deal.

Am I setting my self up for failure, or what? I mean, the week before Thanksgiving? The week after the week after Halloween? Christmas in sight?

My sweet Bible study group has no idea what they are in for today. I need a serious attitude adjustment. Fortunately, I think they can handle it.

UPDATE: Worse than expected. I caved. Underclothes and a swim cap. I'll leave it at that.