Monday, February 4, 2008

They Once Were Lost and Still They're Lost

Isn't it amazing how God unites two people in marriage who are so incredibly opposite?

Isn't it?

Isn't it amazing?

The King goes on a yearly excursion to Colorado with a group of his buddies. They ski...oh, pardon me...they snowboard. (It must be a status thing. He's pretty adamant that I remember it is snowboarding.)

Anyway, think Man Camp On Ice.

He will be leaving tomorrow evening. Which began as he would be leaving Thursday morning. But, if you are going to leave Thursday morning you might as well leave Wednesday evening. And if you are going to leave Wednesday evening you might as well leave Wednesday morning. And if you are going to leave Wednesday morning you might as well leave Tuesday evening.

And then somebody's wife must've given somebody the look.

I would imagine.

Because it stopped with the Tuesday evening.

So. Yesterday afternoon The King decided it would be a good idea to gather his snowboarding gear. Which has been sitting in the same spot in his closet following the scouring from his last trip.

Well, his pants are missing. Gone. Missing in Action. Not Present. AWOL.

But the straps? They're there. With nothing on the end. (And that is the part that is throwing him off. So he says.)

If that had been my situation, I would have looked in every reasonable place that I could think of, and then I would have dashed to the sporting goods store to find another pair.

Of course, I would have possibly gone through my things before yesterday.

However. This is where we get to that opposite thing.

Oh. My. Word. We searched. And then we searched. And then, guess what? We searched some more. We looked in the attic. And my closet. And The Princess' closet. And the guest closet. And the laundry room cabinets. And the bathroom cabinets. And the linen closet. And the pantry. And the coat closet. And his desk. And EVERY STINKIN' PLACE IN OUR HOME. Twice.

And then he looked through them all again.

So then I suggested that we look in the garage.

His response? "Why would they be there?"

Of course he was right. The chances are much higher that they would be in the pantry.

So then he blamed the cleaners. We didn't send his pants to the cleaners. But he had a vision of them wrapped in plastic.

And then he sat at the kitchen table and said, "Well. Let's go look for them again."


I sweetly suggested that he rush to the store to purchase a new pair.

"But they are here."

I can clearly see that we are not making a lot of progress in the acceptance of the situation category.

So he sits down with a phone book to call the sporting goods store.

Sidebar: The King's phonebook skills are worthy of their own post. Pure comedy.

He can't find the number.

Sidebar: That is how truly sadistic I am. I knew he couldn't find it, but I let him look because I needed a chuckle after enduring the 17 searches. And he deserved it after that garage comment.

Come to find out, he's in the wrong city. And so he decides that the "people" who "write" the phonebook are crazy. Because why wouldn't you just put all the numbers in there without dividing them by city?

I can clearly see that we are not making a lot of progress with the phonebook situation.

Would you like me to get to the point?

So The King asks the poor salesgirl (whom I prayed for as the phone rang) if they had ski (what? not snowboard?) pants. And if they did, what kind? And what size? And how they are sized?

And then...bless his sweet, sweet heart...he asked me if I'd like to go with him to the sporting goods store.

The Princess chimed in from the other room, "Please, Mom...NO!!"

Just to be mean, I almost said, "I think I'll stay here and look for your pants." But believe you me, I've got more sense than that. We would've started this whole thing over.

So he went to the store and came back with new pants and all has returned to normal.

Sidebar:  The King said that he found the coolest coat at the sporting goods store and he almost bought it.  Because, you know, replacing something is different if you want it...if you didn't lose it.  (His reasoning, not mine.)

And really, don't judge me for my evil ways.

Because while he was gone to the store, I hid his gloves...


Headless Mom said...

You crack me up, Queenie!

That could have taken place at my house, except I would have found them exactly where Headless Dad left them, after he didn't even look.

I like the hiding the gloves, though. Sneaky!

Karen said...

I had to laugh when I read this. It sounds like a typical day at our house. Except for the "snowboarding" pants. When one has their hips replaced, one no longer snowboards. Or skis. (I could insert "or picks up after himself" but that would sound bitter. And it really isn't true. Most of the time. Honestly.)
One would hope the king doesn't get terribly grumpy when he can't find things (unlike someone else around here this morning.)

The Fritz Facts said...

That could have been my house! Even the phonebook stuff. Hubby's are fabulous...

Thanks the early morning smile!

Amy said...

Thanks for making me smile today! I hope the king finds his gloves soon! :)

Melissa said...

last minute? - check
frantically searching for hours (well, 1/2 hours) on end? - check

(thus was the case ON CHRISTMAS DAY when DH couldn't find his beloved Neil Diamond Christmas music CD, which you know, completely sets the mood for opening gifts at 8:00 a.m. :-)

Thanks for the laughter!

Heather said...

Why hide both gloves? You should've hidden just one. ;-)

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Oh! The last line snuck up on me. Nice one!

(And from one evil female to another -- nice work.)

Anonymous said...

I am howling with laughter! That is why I unpack and pack for my nubby, it's horrible I know but can't stand the hours wasted when he does it:)

Anonymous said...

Nubby, Hubby what's the diff? Heee

Lisa @ Take90West said...

I laughed so hard. I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh, because I can never find anything.

I want to to know if the King has any posters of the Flying Tomato up in his office? ;)

And apparently, snowboarders don't like to be confused with skiers. My daughter gets very sensitive about that too!

Karla said...

LOL! I thought you were gonna say you found the pants in the garage while he was gone!

Rebecca said...


Mrs. Jules said...

LOL...all too common in our home!

(You've inspired me to go and remove Mr. Jules' luggage that is still sitting in the entry from last week's business trip-he'll appreciate clean socks).

Org Junkie said...

My hubbie will look for something for hours and he usually refuses to ask me where it is even though I always know the answer. Talk about stubborn!

Queen Mother said...

Hahahahah did he ask about the gloves or sneak out to get some more? Too funny.

Pond house family said...

Did you ever find the pants?
The phonebook part cracks me up!

FabTheMayor said...

You make me laugh out loud!! That is exactly my house the night before DH goes hunting. OF COURSE it's my fault he can't find the right gun/shotgun/muzzle loader AND the bullets that go in it! Never you mind the closet hunt. After 15 years, I've given up. He can either (a) find the "stuff" he needs or (b) go buy more or (c) not go at all. But forget about planning ahead...that would be the simple, woman-like thing to do

Rocks In My Dryer said...

This made me laugh SO hard.

cndymkr said...

I like how you think. We could be friends. Hiding his gloves was a classic move. It's nothing huge, but it's enough to make him run around for a while. And you can stand there reminding him "next time put everything away where it belongs" and you won't have this last minute freak out.

Robin said...

Last line, given the rest of the story? Had me in stitches...always a good thing!


Pam said...

This is great fun! You sound like my kinda gal. We do that with my DP's glasses and keys around here.

By the way, thanks so much for the quick arrival of the froggy. He arrived early . . . yesterday. That pony express was a quickie!

Hope your King has great fun on the slopes. Sounds like his hands will be cold : )