They Once Were Lost and Still They're Lost

Isn't it amazing how God unites two people in marriage who are so incredibly opposite?

Isn't it?

Isn't it amazing?

The King goes on a yearly excursion to Colorado with a group of his buddies. They ski...oh, pardon me...they snowboard. (It must be a status thing. He's pretty adamant that I remember it is snowboarding.)

Anyway, think Man Camp On Ice.

He will be leaving tomorrow evening. Which began as he would be leaving Thursday morning. But, if you are going to leave Thursday morning you might as well leave Wednesday evening. And if you are going to leave Wednesday evening you might as well leave Wednesday morning. And if you are going to leave Wednesday morning you might as well leave Tuesday evening.

And then somebody's wife must've given somebody the look.

I would imagine.

Because it stopped with the Tuesday evening.

So. Yesterday afternoon The King decided it would be a good idea to gather his snowboarding gear. Which has been sitting in the same spot in his closet following the scouring from his last trip.

Well, his pants are missing. Gone. Missing in Action. Not Present. AWOL.

But the straps? They're there. With nothing on the end. (And that is the part that is throwing him off. So he says.)

If that had been my situation, I would have looked in every reasonable place that I could think of, and then I would have dashed to the sporting goods store to find another pair.

Of course, I would have possibly gone through my things before yesterday.

However. This is where we get to that opposite thing.

Oh. My. Word. We searched. And then we searched. And then, guess what? We searched some more. We looked in the attic. And my closet. And The Princess' closet. And the guest closet. And the laundry room cabinets. And the bathroom cabinets. And the linen closet. And the pantry. And the coat closet. And his desk. And EVERY STINKIN' PLACE IN OUR HOME. Twice.

And then he looked through them all again.

So then I suggested that we look in the garage.

His response? "Why would they be there?"

Of course he was right. The chances are much higher that they would be in the pantry.

So then he blamed the cleaners. We didn't send his pants to the cleaners. But he had a vision of them wrapped in plastic.

And then he sat at the kitchen table and said, "Well. Let's go look for them again."

NOOOOOOOO!

I sweetly suggested that he rush to the store to purchase a new pair.

"But they are here."

I can clearly see that we are not making a lot of progress in the acceptance of the situation category.

So he sits down with a phone book to call the sporting goods store.

Sidebar: The King's phonebook skills are worthy of their own post. Pure comedy.

He can't find the number.

Sidebar: That is how truly sadistic I am. I knew he couldn't find it, but I let him look because I needed a chuckle after enduring the 17 searches. And he deserved it after that garage comment.

Come to find out, he's in the wrong city. And so he decides that the "people" who "write" the phonebook are crazy. Because why wouldn't you just put all the numbers in there without dividing them by city?

I can clearly see that we are not making a lot of progress with the phonebook situation.

Would you like me to get to the point?

So The King asks the poor salesgirl (whom I prayed for as the phone rang) if they had ski (what? not snowboard?) pants. And if they did, what kind? And what size? And how they are sized?

And then...bless his sweet, sweet heart...he asked me if I'd like to go with him to the sporting goods store.

The Princess chimed in from the other room, "Please, Mom...NO!!"

Just to be mean, I almost said, "I think I'll stay here and look for your pants." But believe you me, I've got more sense than that. We would've started this whole thing over.

So he went to the store and came back with new pants and all has returned to normal.

Sidebar:  The King said that he found the coolest coat at the sporting goods store and he almost bought it.  Because, you know, replacing something is different if you want it...if you didn't lose it.  (His reasoning, not mine.)

And really, don't judge me for my evil ways.

Because while he was gone to the store, I hid his gloves...