My Tray Can Get Too Heavy

I've mentioned The Power of a Positive Woman before. It is the book that my Bible Study group is doing this year.

This week's chapter is on joy. Specifically, the joy that comes when our lives are in balance. I'm not sure that I know what a life in balance looks like, but I'm quite familiar with what a life out of balance looks like.

The author makes a reference to how we can get too much on our trays, much like a visit to Luby's. That so took me down memory lane...

When I was about 6, my mom, grandmother and I would often go to Wyatt's Cafeteria for lunch on Fridays. One day after our meal, my mom asked why I always got so much food that I never touched. I responded that I thought you had to take something from everyone that offered.

That statement is pretty much a characterization of my entire life.

I cannot tell you the number of times I've said "yes" to things that I have no desire, calling, experience or business doing. I never even stop to think about it...I just say yes.

I've read the book Boundaries (because someone told me to and I wasn't able to say no). I know that I should pray and talk to The King before I agree to anything. But so often (always) I don't. I just say yes.

I know that I am setting a bad example for The Princess. I know that I wear myself out and add stress to our home. But still...I just say yes.

Actually, I do say "no" on occasion. It is to my husband and daughter because I've said "yes" to so many other things for people that don't mean nearly as much to me.

Just as the Wyatt's Cafeteria people would ring the bell for someone to come and carry the really hungry 6-year-old's tray, I end up calling out, too.

Unfortunately, it's usually through gritted teeth at my family for something completely unrelated.

God has really been working in this area of my life.

My issue is that I don't like to disappoint people (at least, the ones that don't live in my home).


Wouldn't it be a shame if I let that rule my life forever? My family would most certainly suffer for it. I would be miserable, not to mention, really busy.

I am going to bet that many of you have this same issue. Or maybe y'all have already figured it out and can pass on your words of wisdom.

I'm going to go finish the chapter.


And think about Jello and big rolls and chicken fried steak and macaroni and cheese and fried okra and chocolate pie...

Lessons

Not sure what in the world I was thinking posting a picture of my rump. That is not a sign of things to come in 2008. I beg your forgiveness.


The painful defeat and travel of Tuesday set me back a few days, but I can't let the new year pass without reflecting on 2007 and looking forward to 2008.


Bear with me. OR come back tomorrow when I'm not reflecting and pensive.


2007 was a year that taught me a lot of tough lessons. They were lessons that I needed to learn.


The King and I learned a lot about contentment. Just being. Not striving. The King is an entrepreneur. He loves the challenge of taking "nothing" and making it "something". His passion and skills are certainly a gift from God. I think we always knew that, but we didn't get it. This year we both got a very clear message from God to USE our gifts. Not for us. For Him. It doesn't really matter if we are successful in the world's eyes. It matters that we are clearly and surely following God's plan for our lives. We faced business challenges throughout the year that felt so suffocating. There were days where we felt as if there was absolutely nothing that we could do to better our situation. You know what? There wasn't. But God, full of grace and mercy, guided us. He truly provided doors for us to go through. Now, they were not always the doors that we wanted or expected--but they led (and are leading) to a place that He intends for us to be.


I learned a lesson in being who God made me to be. Somewhere along the way, I completely forgot what my passions and gifts were. I became so focused on being a mom and wife that I kind of failed to be me. God is teaching me that I don't have to leave behind Identity A to step into Indentity B. It is not selfish to enjoy a few things even if they are only for me. He made me who I am. He gave me the desires of my heart and intends for me to use them for His glory. I am beginning to feel such a peace with who He made me to be.


I learned a lot about friendship. Some friends are lifetime kind of friends and some aren't. Sometimes, we have relationships that are good while they last, but they are not forever. And it is ok. A friendship can fade a little and it be no one's fault. I think it is called being a grown up, but that is new for me so I'm not sure.


I learned so much about building a foundation for my marriage. Though we've been married for 13 years, we are still creating the basis on which our marriage will stand. This year, my parents divorced after 35 years of marriage. They are 2 great people whose relationship was, by all appearances, good. But it wasn't enough. I don't know--and don't need to know--all of their issues. I just know that if it can happen to them it can happen to any couple. I never want to take my marriage for granted.



I am so excited about 2008. I know God is going to continue working in our lives and I can't wait to see where He leads us.


I think I am going to be learning how to be a mom of a tween girl. Though I wish my baby girl would stay little and need her mom for everything, it just doesn't happen like that! I can see that I am going to be stepping back and letting her make some of her own decisions and help her work through things that are still hard for me! A friend of mine (whose youngest girl is now 20) recently told me that as she learned to change along with her girls, each stage was sweeter than the last. That's what I want.



I think that God is going to keep pushing me out of the shell I've been in for awhile. That is a bit scary. I can't think too much more about it.



Thank you for indulging me.



I will be back to normal tomorrow.

The Reason

For unto us a Child is born,

Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be called

Wonderful, Counselor,

Mighty God, Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace

There will be no end,

Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,

To order it and establish it with judgment and justice

From that time forward, even forever.

The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.

Isaiah 9:6-7
New King James Version

May God bless each of you throughout this joyous season!

Merry Christmas!!

The King and I

Due to the most fabulous Christmas Open House known to mankind, I had other blogging obligations yesterday. However, I cannot let another day go by without telling The King how thankful I am for the past 13 years.

Yesterday we celebrated our 13th anniversary. In some ways it seems like 46 years and in other ways it seems like we were just married. I am so blessed to be his wife.

Our marriage is certainly not without its yuck, but I can truly say that I don't remember a time that The King has ever raised his voice at me. He has treated me with such kindness and respect every single day.

Except for the day he bought his motorcycle. But that is another story for another blog.

You know how in most marriages there is one levelheaded, rational person and one whose emotional day looks like the world's craziest roller coaster? Well, no one has ever accused me of being rational. That's all I'm sayin'.

The level of sarcasm that The King must deal with on a daily basis would send most men over the edge. Not him. Though, I think his tendancy toward being VERY literal has something to do with that. He doesn't always get me. Ok, honestly, he very rarely gets me. Which is probably good.

He is such a hard worker. He is a wonderful provider. He is an incredible father. Most importantly, he is the man that God intended for me.

He told me that he would marry me on our very first date. Had I realized his issues with telling only factual, unembellished information, I would have bought a dress the next day. (Except for I was dating his roommate.)

We began dating when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore at the University of Arkansas. We went to the same high school, but we were just friends. Well, we dabbled in dating a bit but he broke up with me the week of the state championship football game. And went out with another girl the same night. And he bought her a blue suede jacket for Christmas. But I'm over it. Really. I am.

We had been dating for about 2 years when he proposed. At a rest stop. On the side of the interstate. Isn't that what all girls dream about?

The proposal story is really funny as is the wedding night story (word to the wise: be aware of your new husband's allergies before setting off for your honeymoon)...but I'll save those for another day.


To my sweet husband - Thank you for 13 fantastic years.


And Happy Anniversary yesterday.

The School of Togetherness

I appreciate the sympathy passed my way for the agony of the train ride. It was much deserved, I must say.

A few of you wanted to know more about the school which The Princess attends. If you were just being nice...sorry.

The Princess is in the 4th grade at a University Model School in our area. This is our second year at this school. It is the school's fourth year. Our school currently goes through the 8th grade, but they are adding a grade each year so that class will graduate from the school.

Basically, a UMS is a school that blends the best of traditional school, homeschooling and Christian school. Students attend class at the school's campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A syllabus is sent home each Tuesday explaining what the assignments are for the week. Their work is done at home on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

The curriculum is challenging. To me. Pretty much what I'm saying is she studies Latin and I am lost. I am not necessarily responsible for "teaching" her. There are a few subjects (spelling, vocabulary, handwriting) that are done primarily at home, but I have a teacher's key and it has not been difficult so far. (Yep. I've got 4th grade knocked out...) I do love knowing exactly what she is learning. I know her strengths and struggles so much better than I did before.

An added bonus is that our school is able to teach the kids at each one's individual level. For example, The Princess is in the 4th grade and is in 4th grade math. Several students in her class go to 3rd grade math and some 5th graders come to her class for math. Students could also go up a grade for a subject if necessary.

One goal of a UMS is to teach children independent learning--the ability to read a syllabus and complete their assignment. Now, let's not think crazy thoughts like The Princess sits in a room and comes out for bread and water. She usually sits at the kitchen table and screams for help every 7 minutes.

Once the students are older, they begin incorporating Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes. Then it is structured as a university schedule (hence the name) and students that have graduated from a UMS have said that college is a breeze.

Our school is a "real" school. There are real diplomas and they take real tests. I only had to tell the grandparents that 542 times.

Another goal of a UMS is to give time back to the family. Our evenings are always open. She never has school work in the evenings. We try really hard to have a hideous Friday so that our Mondays are easy. The King tries to be home on Mondays so that we are able to have a teensy bit of family togetherness. Until someone gets mad because nobody puts their dishes up or picks up after themselves.

Though academics is incredibly important to our school, the ultimate goal is shaping the students' character. It is so much easier to do when the school and the parents are partnered for the same purpose. I love when The Princess comes home asking us to pray for her teacher or her classmate because they've shared a need. I love that the students pray before their tests.

It has been a transition for us. The Princess attended public school through the 2nd grade. I loved our local school. However, she began coming home in the 2nd grade asking whether or not she was a virgin. Not so good.

I had always been a little envious of my homeschooling friends. I loved the idea of teaching her at home. Since The Princess is the only star in this show, though, I didn't think it would be in her best interest.

The UMS has been such a blessing. We are certainly taking it year by year, but we have been very thankful to be a part of such a wonderful environment to this point.

Thanks for asking about it. This is probably way more than you wanted. The UMS website has lots of info about where the schools are located and even which areas have shown an interest in beginning a UMS. If you have any other questions, just ask...unless you are scared I'll answer!!

Thankfulness

Here's a cheery note: I've been dreading this holiday season just a bit.

My extended family has gone through some changes during the year, and the holidays are going to be a little different. I have kind of been stuck thinking about how things have been in the past. I know, I know...nothing stays the same.

I've just had a hard time accepting that.

Today, though, I am thankful for a loving God that knows all of our stuff. He knows our struggles. He knows our successes. Most of all, He knows our hearts.

I am so blessed. God has given me a wonderful husband and an incredible daughter. Our families are great. We are healthy. I am so humbled and so thankful.

God has used the events of this year to show me that times of change are inevitable. The trial is in dealing with the changes.

Will I remain mired in the gunk of the past or will I seek to find joy in what lies ahead?

He alone knows the paths that each of our lives will take. There will always be challenges that we must face. Mercifully, He prepares us for them along the way. God never promised that our lives will be uncomplicated. He assures us, however, that it will all work together for good. Even when it doesn't seem like it.

I am thankful for the fantastic experiences of our year, but I am also thankful for the tough ones. I know that both lead me closer to the person that God intends for me to be.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Count your blessings.

Eat lots of pie.

Making Plans

I am a part of a wonderful Bible study group that meets once a week. We are reading Karol Ladd's book, The Power of a Positive Woman.

I have to admit, I was a little skeptical when I heard the title. It sounded kind of new-age-ish. That whole "think -positive -thoughts -and -you'll-always- feel -happy" thing just doesn't jive with me. I was a little concerned that was the territory I was headed toward. Was I wrong.

Never should I have questioned the study, really. Our leader is a phenomenol lady who has (probably unbeknownst to her) been a mentor to me for years. I have often found myself imagining how she might handle situations when I have been faced with them. I should have known this book would rock.

Last week's topic has stuck with me since we discussed it. Planning.

Now, I am a dork. I plan everything. EVERYTHING. We don't do things that I didn't plan. We'll not do things I didn't plan.

So I thought.

Mrs. Ladd's book talks about what we should be planning. There are four main areas: Mental, Physical, Spiritual and Social.

(Note it did not include groceries, vacations, closet arrangement or my husband's life.)

Mental planning refers to having a game plan for what you are going to do to keep your mind sharp. I am hoping Sudoku fills that spot.

Physical planning...you guessed it...what are you going to do to, you know, be healthy. Whatever. She can't mean the week after the week of Halloween.

Spiritual planning caught me off guard a bit. We are faithful members of our church. Hello...I'm in a Bible study once a week...doesn't that count? It is more than that. What am I doing to intensify my personal relationship with God? Our sweet leader spoke about reading a chapter of Proverbs each day. Hiding God's word in our hearts by memorizing scripture. Imagine having an actual plan for this. Not just squeezing in a quick prayer time and verse between the things on my to-do list. I've got a little work to do in this area.

Social planning seemed kind of nutty to me at first. (Not because it is my weakest area or anything.) We must purposefully engage in activities with other people for pleasure. What? You mean Homeroom Mom meetings don't count? What about that Bible study thing? All well and good, but we should focus on doing more. Have a couple over for dessert once a month. A different couple. Not the same couple you always have over. (A couple for whom you have to pick up your house a bit. ) Have lunch with a different friend each week. Now we're talking....

These are not easy things to just throw in our daily mix. As with anything new, it starts with small things.

I still kind of think a cool fifth category could be grocery planning.