Friday, January 4, 2008

Saving the Most Disturbed for Last

I am aware that I've blogged way too much about the pets. But we've more pets than people at The Palace and they provide much of our entertainment and aggrivation.

I've introduced you to Ruby, Chloe and Oliver. Meet Heidi.

Heidi is part boxer, part lab and part maniac. She, literally, walked into The King's business almost 4 years ago. We took her to the pound to see if anyone claimed her, and when they did not, we adopted her. She is a beautiful dog and The King couldn't understand why anyone would let this sweet girl loose.

It wasn't long until that mystery was solved.

Heidi has a small problem with separation anxiety. (That is a diagnosis from a vet, people. I am not crazy.)

When she moved in with us, we had a privacy fence. She ate through it.

When then built a chain link pen for her. She ate through it.

The King installed an electric fence. She dug the wires from the ground and ate through them while being shocked.

Eventually, we had to have an Invisible Fence professionally installed for a small fortune. She has only been shocked by it one time, and apparently, it was enough.

Let's back up a bit, though.

I had never had a big dog. I was pretty much a cat person. At the time of Heidi's arrival, we had had Chloe for 9 years. Pet life at The Palace was good.

The King felt that Heidi had been dropped from Heaven as a special gift for him. I was not necessarily for getting a dog. We established rules. The only way that I could fathom getting a dog was if The King took full responsibility for her.

Quit laughing. I was stupid and naive. And she did have big brown eyes.

The King assured me that Heidi would go to work with him every day.

Almost 4 years later and she's gone to work with him 3 times. For real.

"But she sheds in my truck."

Um, yes. Dogs do that. They did it when we got her and they'll do it until the end of time.

Besides the fencing, Heidi's separation anxiety has cost us 3 sets of patio furniture and 2 wooden tables.

It also forced us to get Ruby to "keep her company". And goodness, Ruby has her own set of issues.

Heidi's tail is a weapon that has broken numerous items in my home.

Her massive head has blackened the Queen Mother's eye.

She has accosted many guests...most recently when she bound into the lap of my 85 year old grandmother.

The vet has suggested that we place her on Prozac. Whatever.

She is happiest when she is crammed with Ruby inside her little crate. Something about the confinement makes her feel safe.

I sound harsh and cruel, and that is not my intent. I love her. I really do. She has brought such joy to The Princess. I just think back to the days before vet bills and boarding bills and having to rush home to let her in/out. Those were the days.

She only has eyes for The King. He is her person. She can see his desk from the backyard, and she will sit and stare at him for hours. She is oblivious to the fact that if it weren't for ME she would not eat, would have fleas and ticks and spend countless hours in sub-zero temperatures.

Fortunately, that is the last of The Palace Pet Introductions. I've enacted a law that says no more pets unless we have a farm.

But I also made that law about The King caring for Heidi, so...

**added later**

Now I feel even worse. I had finished writing this post and The King just informed me that Heidi is sick. Great. She hurled 3 times on my rug.

My guess is that it is a rare amoeba or something and we'll have to have her on an iv for the next 72 days. Probably with a home health dog nurse to come in daily to care for her. And she'll probably have to have a special prescription food. Forever. And probably Ruby will catch the amoeba.

If history holds true and all.


Jeni said...

I'm sorry Heidi is such a handful. I was a vet before I became a stay-at-home mom, and we collected 5 cats and a dog. Now that I'm not working outside the home, I see how EXPENSIVE these little furry beasts can be. And keeping the house relatively clean with all those beasts and a toddler is like that guy from mythology endlessly pushing the rock (I'm drowsy or I'd be able to come up with his name).

Queen Mother said...

tHeidi is PRECIOUS! I go back to my statement at AG. "Heidi is loyal". She just thinks she is a lap dog in a 75 pound body with a tail that should be registered as a lethal weapon (not to mention the VERY hard head). We all have issues, even our pets!! Bless her.

Joanne (The Simple Wife) said...

Oh I feel your pain. We used to (note the past tense) have an adorable lemon colored beagle (from the pound) named Abby. She had separation anxiety too. And took her puppy prozac each and every day. It didn't help.

I put her in a crate, locked it, faced the door to the crate to the wall, put the crate in the laundry room, closed the door, locked it, and went the gym. Came home an hour and a half later to Abby running around wildly, having eaten almost everything in the kitchen trash. What was left was spread all over the upstairs.

Yep, I feel your pain.

She was destructive and needy, but I really miss that dog!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Bless your stinkin' animal-friendly heart, Queen B. You do have your hands full.

Of course, when you have a blog, there's no such thing as a tragedy anymore. Because usually, you can at least get a good blog post out of a bad situation. So I look forward to an array of Heidi posts in the future.

Org Junkie said...

Ahhh she looks sweet but it sounds like the Prozac might save you some money in the long run :)

Karen said...

You speak the truth. I can't tell you how many times I have said "you have to be responsible for (fill in the blank) in order for us to get (fill in the blank). Yes I can. We have five dogs, one cat, assorted fish and parrots. (The pig died and the pony lives at my in-laws.) And as a special good morning present, the cat just got sick on the bathroom rug (which used to be a lovely light lavender.) sigh. Also, it's raining so that means twenty little muddy footprints in and out over the kitchen floor. It's going to be a lovely day. (really, it is.)

Lisa @ Take90West said...

I love dogs, even when they need a little medicating!
Seriously though, with all those animals are you vacuuming every day?

ames said...

Oh the joys of being a puppy mommy! My fuzzball just about gave me a concussion once, trying to leap over my lap at the exact same time I tried to stand up to answer the door for the pizza guy. We collided heads and I went straight down, stars in my eyes. She went to greet the pizza guy.

I don't know if you already ascribe to it, but I'll be taking pet insurance out on the bozo this year since once a year or so she likes to get into some sort of trouble that requires a very expensive vet bill...